Monkey See, Monkey Do

As the saying goes, Imitation is the best form of Flattery. Im my case, Imitation was very annonying.

In secodary school, there was this boy. I knew him from since kindergarden and well part of primary school. I didnt like him that much because i thought he was so lame. Now tell me, what are the odds of him passing to MY secondary school. Sigh.....YES, SADLY ITS TRUE..... he did pass for my secondary school and it was even 'lamer'. Well i didnt not discovered this until form 2. I saw him lined up to recieve box lunch. So i approached the line and said "Corie?". He spun around and looked at me at first it took him a while to process who i was but then he reembered. Then we had a short convo and well i left, because even since then i was a busy person and always have something to do.

But anyways let me skip through to form 4. Sam was my top girl ( you will kno about her coming soon in a blog by itself) and it so happened, corie had the hots for her. But unfortunately she dont date "nobodies" ( sorry to put it like that but the truth may offend) and well the chance of her dating him was like the chance of the Devil winning over GOD. It Will NEVER happen. You all may say, that there is a chance for everything, but when i am finished you will see that i proved you all wrong.

Let me tell you all about Corie.

Corie had no personality of his own, it always seemed that he was miming others. Since i was Sam favourite person and he had the hots for her he decided to start imitating me in everything i do.

Sprite Zero, Nobody relly buys that that ws my favourite Sprite. HE never even liked it but then when he saw me buying it he started. Even everything i ate he bought the same exact thing. Then he started imitating my Attire. Well i kno you all will say that it is a Secondary School and everybody wears the same uniform. But unfortunately there are those of us who broke the rule and wore wrong colour belt, and Socks. I loved wearing the wrong colour socks and belt. And well people guess what?, Monkey See Monkey Do. Exact Same thing.

Then he started imitating my attitude and well who tell him to do that. My friends started noticing wat ceen he was on and they confronted him about it. But that didnt stop him he still continued. And well i was gettin more annoyed. So i broght it up with sam and well she with her deviant mind decided to take it, and use it as our advantage.

She started talkin to him but we was relly using him. He was out little "Go For". Heh heh. Does that make us bad human beings? hmmmmmmmmm. Well anyways, Anytime we wanted someone to go and buy lunch for us or make any errands throughout the school we called him. Well not we, Sam. All he had to do was ask him in a Sexy tone and he will do anything. And well since me and sam was like ring and finger, i benefitted too. LOL. This made us very lazy.

We continued to use him and he was to blind to see. The boy thought he had a little flame of hope but too bad it was raining in HOPELAND. At first as i reflected i felt bad but then when i remembered how he irritated me and well any bad feelings was instantly wiped away.

And well all this hard work of his didnt even pay off because to sam he is an obsessive psycho. If u all meet him you will see what i am talkin about. So beware of Corie, The Psycho Dummy.

The Farrow Incident

In secondary school i was very idle, there was one incident where in art class i found clay, so playing around with the clay now i decided to make loads, yes loads as in 2 2. I relly did it to prank my art teacher. I sculpted the clay and rolled it to form 4 pieces of crap. I then painted it giving it a more realistic look and to finish it out i took a brush and added highlights with oil for a more genuine sh!tty look.

You all might find that this is disgusting, but after going my school, you will find out that the word disgusting dont exists. But anyways, When i finished i placed it into a brown paper lunch bag fold up the top neatly and placed it on top of her desk.
When she came , she asked "what is that?" i replied "Thats your lunch" shr then opened it and watch me and laughed and said "You always making sh*t for lunch" (and other things but this is not the story) and we both had our belly full of laughs.

After lunch I took the bag and carried it to class to prank one of my friend so i emptied it on her seat and left it there, when i did so, i drew the attention of my other classmates and well they had a bigger idea.

They emptied on top of the teachers table and positioned it to look as if it was a dog now passed. Wel i could not have stopped laughing. Sell we saw her approaching the class so everyone took their seats and played they didn't know what was going on. As she stepped into the class she saw it took a closer look and screw her face and said "What is that who put that there" Everyone pretended to look puzzled. She then said that she is going to get MTS to clean it up. She then Left to get them, As soon as she left we took it up and put it into the bag and hid it. We wiped the table to make sure that there was no residue.

The MTS worker then arrived to "Clean Up the Mess" but there was nothing there. The worker told out teacher thatthere was nothing there ans our teacher got relllllllll frantic. She Stormed in and said " Allyuh want to make a big oman look crazy! I see it on the table, Wey it gornnn!!! WEY IT GORNNNN!!!" And she saud that she is sick of the class ahd well guess what, we got two weeks off, no Administration Classes.

But what happened the next day killed me. We had a lecture for the whole morning about "FAKE FEACES" and behaviour and conduct. But all of that just went in one ear and therough another. Because I realized that school days are those days that do not come back and you have to make it very excuting. Because i kno a few people whose school days was as boring as watching channel 3 when cable breaks down. Cough Cough Corie Cough Cough.

Thats why i always advise students to study hard but also make all your school days very exciting and memorable. So later on in life when you have nothing to do and you online, you can blog about it and share it with the world.

The Potion - (unclean)

Greed. One of the seven deadly sins. Some are naturally greedy and some are greedy only because they have their eyesight.

There was this boy in our maxi (the maxi who used to transport me to and from school) who was very, very greedy. He could not see anyone eating anything and leave them to eat in peace. Everytime we had our snacks while coming home he MUST get and he takes the most so i started getting irritated with his stupidness over and over. So too was my friend who lived a few streets away and went to the same school in the same maxi. We both got sick of his greediness. So we plotted a way to teach him a lesson. Hmmmmmmm.. Knowing us.........We was not sparing him......

The next day, we came out bright and early. I bought 3 small packets of Chiclets (The chewing gum. My friend called me and told me he was making "A Potion". What this potion consisted of, you relly dont wanna know. ( NOTICE: The Recipe is in the next paragraph, so if u dont wanna know, please skip the following paragraph.....thank you)

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RECIPE

This 'Potion' was made in A Red Busta Bottle. It consisted of Some drain water, a scoop of fresh fowl 'tooze', some sand, some dead ants, grass and a crushed millipede for added flavour. it was sealed tightly and shaken till all the different exotic flavours combined to form one brown potion.

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Well after the potion was made we meet at the point where the maxi usually pick us up. It was already half seven in the morning so the maxi would be there at any time and he Senor Greedy will already be in the maxi. So we therefore had to operate quickly. I opened the first pack of chiclets and took out both pieces but one fell but say what it was still gonna be covered in Sh*t anyhow so it didnt really made a difference.

We carefully emptied a manageable amount of the potion into the cover. We then took a pair of tweezers and carefully and evenly coated the gum with the potion and left it in the sun to dry and absorb the juices. The method was repeated with the one on the ground and after they dried we placed it back in the box and sealed it back so nothing will be fishy.

I bought diffrent colours so i can tell the difference (yea pretty smart huh) we did it with the yellow pack so i had it seperate. When the maxi arrived he was in the back seat so both me and my friend sat in the remainding 2 seats i sat in the end and my friend sat in the middle. I then took out the yellow pack of chiclets ( the contaminate one) and shook it to get his attention.

Just as we forseen he stretched over and snatched it away from me. When he did that i was smiling inside. He then opened it aht then started talkin smack bout the chiclets. So i endorsed the convo so he will be distracted he emptied it in his hand and drew it closer to his mouth. It touched his bottom lip and apparently he he got a woof of the potion, this drew his attention to his hand and he saw that the chiclets had black residue ( dehydrated chicken tutu ) in it. He then said " Wat the 'F' is this and threw it outside. We couldnt help but laugh Maniacally at him. He couldnt finish wipe his mouth in his shirt shoulder.

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Lessons which are taught are ment to be learned. Our little friend learnt a valuable lesson in life ant that is:

Greed is something you should not portray quite often, if you do, you will only end up eating sh--.

Girls and Gas

I went to spend the afternoon with one of my friend one day and we was liming upstairs in the living room. We had nothing to do so she asked me if i wanna play a game. Well of course i agreed and she told me she could give me something that i could never catch. Then she asked again if i sure wanna play, again i agreed. Then all of a sudden i saw my girl raised her leg and cracked one, if allyuh hear that, i could have sworn it was a scratch bomb. Then she told me "Catch That". Followed by a scandalous laugh. I was in awe and was shocked to see such a behaviour from a girl.

Yes People times are changing, where is the modesty of our girls, where are the girls who hides their farts with coughs or squeeze them out and pretend as if nothing happened where those girls at? It is good that they are more out there but there are certain things that is for women and there are certing things that are for men ( i am not being a sexist here). And women having 4th of July down there aint right. Its unappealing girls. Come on Men....

But also there are some guys who loves a girl who crack relllll shots and laugh about it. But please do it in private when you and he together not when other people is around.

This reminds me of a time i went to a party and i was brockin out on 2 girls one in front and one behind he one behind was whinin rell rough and gettin on rell wassie and the one in front was stickin`. Then all of a sudden, the one behing hit me one hard grind and i bumped into the one in front and the booty was on my leg and all i felt was a tremor on my leg. I was all like " O hell no, b!+@h u jus did not fart on my leg" "uh uh i aint playin that" and i left. Nah man, i was not takin no fart up leg and i had a good mind to go and buss back one on her but nah i kno she didnt do it on purpose so all is forgiven.

But anyways back to the point, girls if u wanna popse, dont crack it out in public, please do it discretely and pretend you dont know who did it or if you are blamed find a scapegoat. But remember, keep it ladylike and because Its Proper Etiquette.

Thank You Myron

Everytime i travel in maxis and buses the worst place to sit is NOT by a window. If it is one thing i hate is when people business rubbin up on your head and shoulders and it is one of the worst things in the world. I recently saw a video made by Myron B, Entitled Bottom in yuh Face. I must say that the video was very funny and it was representing all of us who hates travellin in maxis and sitting in de isle. I must commend him for a video well done and for keeping it real. Thank You Myron.

Dont Mess With Karma, Or She Will Mess Up Your Foot.

I was late for work one morning, as i hurried up federick street i started feeling hungry. So i decided to go and buy some donuts at rituals. Upon entering i noticed woman in front of me. She was dressed office attire and a short skirt, nice weave and an open toe shoe.



As i observed her, (scoping she out in smarts) i noticed that she had a very bad attitude. And very soon realized i was right. The cashier made a simple mistake and handed her someone elses chiller. It was clearly obvious because of the different colour and well the person who was serving it got mixed up because she was dealing with 2 customers at the same time. If it was you or me, we will just tell her kindly that that is not out chiller its the other one and end of story.

Bus Miss Open Toe, took it to another level. She went into a tyrade with the poor girl. Telling her that how smart does she have to be to serve the right drinks and she rell stupid and so on. then she took her drink and stormed out the shop.

Well i got my donuts and left. As i looked ahead i saw the woman talkin to someone sayin that "dem workers in rituals rell stupid" and illeterate. I for one hate, when people degrade other people for stupidness. I said to myself, tsk tsk tsk, " People like her will get what coming to them". I caught up With her but she was like a few meters ahead and as she was walking and still quarrelling same time i looked down and wat i saw opened my eyes. It reminded me of penality kicks the the world cup.

My Girl feet swooped through a pile of doodie on the sidewalk and well Miss Open Toe was wearing Wellll.......An open Toe. As i saw that i felt as if i felt the squirmy-ness between my toes. Well allyuh done kno how she get on. i Dont have to describe how he carried about herself. Well i started laughing and i crossed the road to be on the otherside just to be safe, cause the doodie did not look like if it came from an animal and i was not playin around that s#it. But anyways the point i am making is Karma is a B*tch and she will mess up your foot. So domt Play with her. PLease be nice to people, especially the cashiers and servers, they work really hard to make a living and they are always getting rel frig up from customers. So please people have a heart and respect other people's Job. Thay are trying really hard to provide you with the best service.

A Dusty Burger Anyone?

As i was coming home from work one day and as i passed grand bazaar, i noticed something very disturbing. Have anyone noticed that there is a big project going on in front of Grand Bazzar with a lot of dust and sand blowing all over. And have anyone noticed that on afternoons that there is people selling food right in the dusty environment? Come on people get real, no one wants dusty burgers and sandy fries. Find somewhere else to sell your delecious burgers because not only is the envoronment hazardous to the food but it is also hazardous to you (message to the vendors).. so as i said before come on people get real....

Mathura Strikes Again!!

It was lunch time and my friends and i was feeling a bit hungry, so we decided to go to KFC at the top of High Street fo lunch. We ordered and sat down to eat. My back was facing the window and and my other friends was facing me thus they were facing the window and seeing outside. As i ate i realized that i needed more ketchup so i got up and went for more ketchup. As i squirted the ketchup i looked back and i saw Madam Mathura........Remember Her From My Previous Blog? Right.

She started staring at my friend and then giving him 'sweet eye' and ting. Then she started mouting out kissed and smooches....I started to laugh hard hard in KFC. Then what happen next i almost died. Miss Lady pull down her top and started rolling her saggy, old, lota infested bress like dumplin on the people window and sayin to my friend "This is for you. This is For You".

When i Saw that, like everything i ate so far wanted to come out but i cudnt help but laugh hysterically because of the look on my friend's face and the incident. But honestly that was rell stinkness but it was funny. Iff you all was there you would have known what i am talking about.

Mathura, Mathura, Mathura, If allyuh see her in High Street, Tell her Philipe asked for her. I hope he dont read this he will blaze meh tail.....

Mathura!

One afternoon as i was coming from school, i needed to go to Carlton Centre (San Fernendo) with one of my friend to collect something. As i stood outside the store and looked over the road by JTA Supermarket, i saw Mathura. Mathura is known in San Fernando as the Vagrant Queen. She is very popular amongst all the other vagrants, in the vagrant community and she is known for her outrageous behaviour and her almost bald head.

Well back to the incident, As i stood on the other side i noticed Mathura was moving normal, normal as in cussin loud and talkin to her self and her hand is always in her pants or whatever you call what she wears ,and sipping methylated spirit. And yes the same thing you put on your cuts to kill germs. In JTA carpark there are some concrete blockers to help divide the road and some smaller ones to prevent cars from parking in no parking zones. The little ones had bent steel handles projecting out of the top.

As i looked on observing i saw mathura scratching her business and and then what she did took me a while to get over.

Miss Mathura threw one of her legs over the blocker and started riding the iron handle. She started bouncing and moaning and bawlin "Yes! Yesss! Yessssss!". I was dumbstruct to see wat was taking place. One thing was running through my head and that was "What the Hell is Thisssss!!!!" Then she started gyrating and singin "Gimme one more wine" then she continued bouncing on the poor handle, i said to my friend " Huh, u kno how much infection that getting" i felt so sorry for the iron handle and all the infections it will be getting.. she then screamed very loud and left just like that..I guess after her climax, she just went to find another projectile to have fun with. But that as not all.

What happened next opened my eyes to San Fernando.

A man was passing and the stopped and sat on the same blocker and rested his hand on the Nasty infected Projectile. OOOOOOOOO GEEEEDDDDDDDDD!!!!!! NASTYNESS. Thats why when in Sando or anywhere with Vagrants, keep u hands in your piocket or KEEP IT TO YOURSELF..
BECAUSE U WILL NEVER KNO WHO BUSINESS RUB UP ON IT. So my friends beware of the streets and dont touch anything.

What is that under your seat?

After work, i took the bus from Port of Spain to Chaguanas. Afte the bus left the terminal, about 10 minutes into the journey i started smelling a pungent odour. At first i thought someone Flatuated but then i realized it lasted really relly long so i wanted to kno what the hell was that aroma. i looked around to see it there was a baby on the bus, because i kno sometimes babies poop and the scent escapes from the diaper. But there was none. So i took out my pack of gum and placed it in fromt of my nose to act as an air refreshener i worked but only for a little while.

After 45 mins of nasal tourment, the bus arrived at chaguanas flyover as everyone evacuated the bus i realized under a woman's seat there was something very brown and load-like.I stood up and got a better view then i asked the woman who was sittin on the seat over it "What is that under your seat?" When she looked down she flew up and shouted " Look dog sh*t ont de bus! Look it have dog sh*t on the bus!". Well i started laughing hysterically of the situation and ho the woman started behaving. And ask me how de hell Dog Sh*t get on PTSC bus, Well i dont have one clue.